on progress.

i tend to think that in order to post here (or to send a newsletter, or to even have a significant conversation) i have to have something to report.  my life, as i'm sure yours is too, is a constant tension of doing versus being...  and the doing usually wins, however desperately i desire to simply be.  we live in a world that is marked by measurable outcomes, even in ministry.  the most common question that we ask a stranger upon introduction reveals this value:  "so, what do you do?"  i'm just as guilty as the rest; i've asked that question more than i care to admit in recent weeks as i've begun to make acquaintances at a new church, in a new city.  but that's not even the question i really care about.  more than what someone does, i want to know who they are- what they care about, where they are going in life, what kind of friend they would be.  why do i ask the wrong questions?

perhaps because the questions about being seem too intimate for a first-time conversation.  trust is earned more often than freely given.  but i wish that wasn't the case, especially in the body of christ.

for the past 2 months, i've had not a lot to do, and a lot of time to be.  i know there are a lot of people who probably envy that position, and some days it's been nice.  but the indefinite nature of this state causes me to fidget and fiddle and try to find things to fill my time.  i've found myself reading more than usual, praying more than usual, watching my fair share of movies and friends, but most disturbingly...  i shop.  now don't get me wrong, i'm not indulging in massive shopping sprees to ease the pain of transition or to cover some deep and hidden problem.  but as i run errands for the family, i seem to stop rather frequently to poke my head into such places as target, barnes and noble, bed bath & beyond, and amazon.com, picking up little pieces that will work toward re-building a life for myself here in philadelphia. 

i didn't think much of this habit until today, when i walked out of borders with a new moleskin journal in my purse and a new spring in my step, and i realized that these little purchases are serving as tiny pieces of hope and possibility for a new season.  i can't decide if that's a bad thing; certainly, i cannot place my trust in material things, certainly i cannot turn the idea of a new apartment into my idol.  but is it wrong to find pleasure in these little pieces of a life still unknown? 

so, with that and many other unanswered questions, i will conclude this update on the progress of my pilgrimage.  more to follow...


currently reading:  Joyful Exiles by James Houston; The City Without a Church by Henry Drummond.
currently listening:  Limbs and Branches by Jon Foreman; Indelible Grace Music